blog.mimming.com

Mitigating Pwnage

2013-03-04T17:31:51Z

Yesterday I got pwnd.Specifically, my Twitter account was compromised.

Jenny being 1337 - Photo courtesy of David Costa Photography

I know what you're thinking. "But you're Jentropy, and Jentropy is 1337. What could have pwnd her?" Was it a coordinated effort from a team of government sponsored hackers? Was it a an exploit of a 0 day vulnerability in a piece of experimental hardware that she was using? No, it was none of those things. It was a phising worm. Yeah, one of those scripts that pwns children and those too technologically inept to find the any key on their keyboard.

Left: What did not happen to Jenny. Right: What tricked Jenny.

How did this happen? I let my guard down. I've never been exploited before, even in the years when I hung out in circles where we spent most of our time trying to pwn each other. All it took was one moment of carelessness. Did I mention yet that how embarrassed I am?

Anyway, it's time for a post mortem. This way, hopefully my screw up can help someone else. The root cause is obvious, but damage was minimal, so something must have worked. Here's what I do to mitigate the damage these situations cause:

Different passwords everywhere - Never reuse passwords anywhere. The first thing an attacker will try is logging into other services with the same credentials.
Strong passwords - There are many ways to create strong passwords. Pick one and use it.
multi-factor authentication - If a service offers to SMS you codes or mail you a code generator for login, take advantage of it. If you can authenticate using an identity provider that provides multi-factor authentication, use them.
Tidy things up - Regularly clean up authentication cruft including one time use passwords and authorized apps. If you're not using them, deauthorize them.
Limit account creation - Each account you create is a vulnerability. Avoid creating accounts when possible.
Have a plan - Be ready for problems. When they happen, know where to go to reset all of your important credentials. Be prepared to lock things down for awhile.

There are also things service providers can do.

Provide multi-factor authentication - Provide it, and promote it to your users.
Support other identity providers - Allow users to sign in with their preferred identity provider such as Facebook or Google.
Shoot first, ask questions later - Twitter suspended my account at the first signs of trouble. That was awesome. Having to reset a password is a lot less trouble than cleanup from an exploit.

And finally, if you suspect a friend has been compromised, help them!

Alert them right away, but don't expect a response - I'm sure they appreciate the prompt alerts, but keep in mind they're busy cleaning up the mess. It's also possible that dozens or hundreds of other people have also alerted them.
Don't judge - I'm sure that you would never have fallen for the same trick, but don't get smug about it. We all have moments of weakness whether they be from a bit too much wine or just a really frantic day. I'm sure your friend has fended off similar attacks numerous times. Cut them some slack, they really need it right now.

My Roller Derby Face Shield

2012-06-24T21:52:43Z

Update: The newly published WFTDA rules now allow for the use of traditional non-form fitting hockey half-shields. In other words, this entry is largely obsolete. I’m publishing it anyway, just in case you want to rock a form fitting one for some reason :)

I admit it. I’m a gear junkie. If some odd-ball wheel or a new kind of knee pad comes on the market, I’ll probably be first in line. A few months ago I was told that I better protect my nose when skating, or be prepared to buy a new one (and new noses are expensive!) Always looking on the bright side, this presented me with a new opportunity to geek out on gear.

Research yielded one rule and two options. The WFTDA rule 10.1.3 allows for face shields, but only if they are form fitting. Hockey style shields and cages are prohibited. This yielded two options: a custom made face shield or an off the shelf one-size-fits-all equivalent.

Custom face shield: This is the kind that Kobe Bryant has been seen sporting. Custom face shields are made from a cast of your actual face. Most prosthetics manufactures can hook you up with one. They offer a great fit and probably much better protection. But, they cost about $1000 D:
Off-the-shelf face shield: For those of us on a budget you can buy a one-size-fits-all face shield like this one. They cost between $30 and $40. They’re a lot cheaper but the fit is awful and big black pads block lines of vision that are critical to roller derby roller derby.

I decided to give the off-the-shelf face shield a try. I figured that even if it was a disaster, $40 would be a drop in the bucket compared to the $1000 for a custom made one.

Initial impressions

Vision blocked
uncomfortable
sweat builds up under pads
stuck out really far

Since it was useless in its stock form I decided that there would be no harm in modding it. I hated it anyway, so even if I ruined it, there would not be a significant loss.

Modding phase 1: depadding and reshaping

I had seen a face plate once before. During the second jam of my first scrimmage I met Feisty Irish on the jammer line. Not only did she kick my ass but she also did so with a shiny piece of plastic in front of her face. I didn’t remember any ugly black pads, so I emailed her.

She replied indicating that she was using the same off-the-shelf face shield that I chose, but without the black foam pads.

I carefully peeled the pads off. My vision was improved but the fit was not. The fit went from awful to unbearable. I knew there was only one thing that could save me: a heat gun. If in doubt add energy, right?

Polycarbonate, the material that these masks are made from, is very strong at room temperature, but when you warm it up it becomes quite malleable. Unfortunately, the temperature at which it’s easily workable is quite close to where it begins to break down. If I warmed and shaped the mask enough I hoped for an improved fit. Here are the steps I followed to reshape it.

Remove the foam pads and straps. They melt at a much lower temperature and it’d really ruin your day if they caught on fire.
Place the mask against your face and select a part to reshape. Focus on places where the mask is flat or curving on only one axis.
Hold the mask with tongs or a protected hand (oven mits work great). It’s going to get hot.
Turn your heat gun to its lowest setting. Point the heat gun at the part that you would like to reshape. Hold it about 3cm from the surface and move it in small circles. Focus the heat on the spot you would like to bend, but be sure to warm the surrounding area too. We want a smooth change rather than an abrupt crease.
After what seems like an eternity but is probably under a minute you will start to see the spot that you are heating change. Edges will start to round out a bit, the reflectivity of the surface will change slightly and the shield may begin to bend from gravity. Stop heating the mask.
Are you still heating it? do you see bubbles starting to form? Stop right away!
The shield is a lot hotter than you think. With your protected hands carefully bend the heated suface to the desired shape.
Let the mask air cool. After a few minutes when it is cool enough to put near your face, go back to step 2 and repeat.

Some importnat things to note:

Did you get a ton of bubbles? This is bad news. The polycarbonate is a lot weaker now.
Fewer heat cycles are better. As you heat and cool the shield it becomes weaker. My hope is that the improved fit is worth the decrease in strength.
Make SURE it’s cool before you put it near your face. It’s hard to tell how hot it is, and plastic burns hurt a lot.

I ruined one shield with this technique, but the second one turned out great! The fit was acceptable and it sat close enough to my face to leave most of my vision relatively unimpeded.

Modding phase 2: grinding and drilling

Spring arrived. The rink I practice at began to warm up with the longer days. Sweat and fog began to build up beneath my face shield. My vision was once again blocked, by my own vapors of athleticism. Around this time I also switched to a hockey style helmet. The hockey helmet covered more of my head and provided less room for my face shield. Something had to be done.

In addition to being heat shapable, polycarbonate is also quite machinable. High speed tools work better, so I grabbed my trusty dremel and went to work.

First, I used a coarse grinding wheel to grind away parts of my mask that prevented it from fitting under my helmet, or were otherwise not helpful. I removed 7mm from the top, narrowed the part that covered the bridge of my nose by 5mm on each side, and removed a whopping 1cm from the tip of the nose (who are these people and why are their noses so long?) This obviously weakens the shield, but it was worth it for the improved visibility and air flow.

I wasn’t ready to put away the dremel yet, though. I swapped the grinder out for a drill bit and drilled dozens of small 2mm holes. I placed them just under 1cm apart across the portions of the shield that cover my cheeks and forehead.

Later that night I took it for a spin. Not only was the fogging problem resolved, but it felt much cooler and the portions of the shield that bore holes became more flexible. This improved the fit even further.

Modding phase 3: helmet mounting

All this time I wore the shield under my helmet using the strap harness provided. Getting the straps tight enough yet tolerably comfortable was a continuous challenge. This is when I noticed that my hockey helmet had screws in all the perfect places.

I cut the elastic harness into 5 strips of varying length and used the mounting screws to secure my shield to the helmet. This only works because my helmet fits extremely well. My helmet shifts less than the harness that came with the shield making this an improvement.

Wrapping it up

So has my adventure into face shield hacking been worth it? Yup! I’ve taken many a wild arm to the face and every time the bearer of that wild arm has been damaged more than I have :)

Inline Skate Wheels for Roller Derby

2012-01-27T21:17:32Z

Before the rotten fruit and beer bottles come flying let me clear one thing up: I am not writing about the use of inline skates in flat track roller derby. I agree that would be blasphemy. Instead I’m here to discuss the crazy idea of screwing inline skate wheels to your favorite quad skates. Yes, I skate with inline wheels on my quad skates.

Who are you? Are you insane?

Jentropy and yes.

Anyway, I guess I should tell you a bit about myself and how I skate: you know, for context. I spend most of my time jamming for the Peninsula Roller Girls. I may not be the fastest skater, but I’m very agile. Unlike the rest of my life, where I focus on being well rounded, in derby I focus on improving what I do best.

How did you end up here?

Why inline skate wheels? Shortly after I started jamming I tried slim wheels: Radar Diamonds. They were awesome. Slimmer wheels are more agile, lighter, result in fewer wheel bumps and conserve energy with their lower rolling resistance. The scientist in me had to know, though, if slim is awesome is slimmer more awesome? To find out which width works best for me I must keep going slimmer until I discover problems^[1].

And yes, I am a wheel junkie.

Get to the point already. Are they awesome?

For me? Hell yeah!

The Pros

They’re ridiculously agile: I find that I can pop onto my toe stops and pop off very easily. Juking/side stepping is also much easier for some reason. The wheels connect to the ground quickly, but they also let go fast.
They’re much lighter: I never expected a few ounces to make such a big difference.
Short bursts of speed: Since they make getting on and off of ones toe stops easier, short bursts of acceleration become more accessible. I find I use them a lot more on inline wheels.

The Cons

No hubs: All of the inline wheels that I can find which fit under my skates are the ‘aggressive’ style. This means that they do not have much of a hub. This makes them a lot squishier than typical quad skate wheels of the same durometer. For this reason they seem to drain my energy reserves faster.
Rolling ankles: They’re really skinny! The wheels I currently favor have a 18mm footprint. This means sometimes when I come down my center of pressure (where I’m pushing down) falls outside of my wheel base. When this happens my ankle starts to roll. So far I’ve been able to react quickly and avoid injury, but only time will tell if I can retrain myself.

Wheel Reviews

The wheels I stole from my partner’s children’s inline skates

The first inline skate wheels I tried were the ones off of my girlfriend’s inline skates. These were marked with ‘Bauer’ on the side. They were of unknown specification, but normal skate bearings fit. I estimate that they were 75a hardness and 60mm tall. They were also just too wide so I had to McGyver my axel nuts to keep them on.

During my first experiment, at Wumpskate^[2], my eyes lit up. I jumped out on to the surface and noticed that I could run around as if I were in sneakers. I skated around a bit and found junking, jumping and stops all very quick. The rolling resistance, however, was pretty bad. I didn’t have any reference for speed, but I felt sluggish in the straight line.

Just the same I took them for a spin at my next scrimmage practice. They were very fast off of the jammer line, and I was able to shuffle through the pack with ease, but I was unable to score any points. They were sooooo slow! They were as fun as they were useless at derby. As the other jammer zoomed past me I realized my experiment had failed… or had it?

Yak 96a 62mm aggressive

Not ready to give up I scoured the web for inline wheels to try. My search led me to Amazon and to these Yak wheels.

Upon receiving them I tried them out at the next available alternative skating event: Rainbow Skate^[3]. They had the same burst of speed potential as the mystery wheels, but they did not feel like skating through mud! I’ve kept them on ever since. They’ve been to derby practice, around my office and even outside. Here’s what I’ve learned about them.

They’re 96a durometer but skate more like a 92a. I blame the lack of a harder hub.
I can finally power slide / hockey stop! Whee!
Landing big jumps (e.g. jumping the apex) is a lot easier.
They fit almost entirely under my skate which makes wheel bumping nearly impossible.
I get a lot lower when I’m turning during a sprint. My chest is almost at my front knee. I have no idea why.
They seem to handle a variety of surfaces better. They even work OK outdoors!
But, I’m a lot slower than my 96a Radar Diamonds in the longer sprints. This has changed my strategy a bit. When I’m not the lead jammer I’ll favor a sprint and hit instead of attempting to nonviolent pass.

Conclusion

If you like slim or super slim wheels, you may want to try out inline wheels.

If you’re not ready to try them out yet, keep an eye on my blog. As I try more inline wheels I’ll post my thoughts here.

Footnotes on a blog entry? neeerd!

[1]: Yes I realize that there is a risk of finding a local minimum with this experiment technique. If you can come up with a cost effective method of conducting this experiment (say without buying every wheel size imaginable) feel free to contact me.
[2]: I’m kind of a little bit goth, at least sometimes.
[3]: Yeah, I’m also gay. Is that a problem? Grr!

The Saddest Poke

2012-01-18T22:56:18Z

Today when I logged into Facebook I noticed a poke. Clicking on the poke brought up an empty page. It took me a moment to figure out what happened.

My dad and I had been struggling in our relationship for a long time. We weren't even friends on Facebook. Things were starting to look up around this past Thanksgiving. He was starting to reach out to me in small ways, including a poke on Facebook. Sadly he died suddenly a few days later. We didn't have a chance to reconcile.

His profile has since been memorialized, but since we were not friends at the time of his death I'm unable to see it. The poke itself is gone but its count on the menu lives on in this strange bug. I know someday it will disappear when the bug is fixed or some long lived cache invalidates, but until then I'll be keeping an eye on it. I'll miss you dad.

The little418 Strategy

2011-12-14T03:09:49Z

A few years ago I started a tech blog. I named it little418 after the HTTP 418 response code, which is defined in my favorite april fools Internet standard: RFC2324. When I created this blog I took a slightly different approach.

Sometimes I blog as an outlet, other times I write to inspire my readers. This time, however, I had one simple intention in mind: reduce frustration. Throughout my career as a software developer I have encountered many cryptic error messages. Each time I’ve into one of these non-obvious messages I’ve followed the same troubleshooting algorithm:

Run the command again to ensure neutrinos were not to blame for the first failure
Run the command with verbose flags if they are available
Tinker around with the software hoping to stumble on the solution, usually only for a couple minutes
Ask the Internet by pasting the error message into my favorite search engine

The last step almost always produces an answer, but often at the expense of great effort. Finding the gem that solves my issue almost always requires sifting through dozens of forum threads and archived email chains. Most of the information that I have to sift through is out of date, and it’s often difficult to determine that fact. When I read a forum archive I must reconstruct the knowledge assumed by people involved in the discussion. This implicit knowledge often includes version numbers and release dates. I do not enjoy this process and I assume no one else does.

To help abate this problem I designed little418 to focus on helping people resolve the roadblock of a cryptic error message as fast as possible. This resulted in a blog with these features:

Each entry is written so that search engines can easily recall the post based on a search for the cryptic error message. This is usually as simple as making the title of each entry the error message itself.
Every entry is dated and includes version information where possible.
A typical entry consists of a problem description and a list of steps to resolve the issue.

Now, each time I wade through a lagoon of geeky conversations to solve a problem, I quickly craft a post that reveals my discovered solution. Has it worked? Well, assuming that at least a small fraction of my visitors found their answer, I’ve saved the human race tens of thousands of frustrated hours to date. This is a good feeling :)

50 Miles by Bike and Uhh... 1 Mile by Car

2009-08-10T06:45:07Z

Time for another snapshot of goings on in my life.

Winnie was out of town this weekend. This means that I spent a lot less time playing video games. When you stop playing video games, you suddenly realize that you have a ton of time to do stuff.

I slept in on Saturday. Once I recovered from my nacho cheese induced hangover (I blame Tim), I had to figure out what to do. Rather than work on one of my many partially complete personal projects, or clean up my pig sty house, I decided to go for a bike ride (after some breakfast, and TV, and finishing off a movie from the week earlier).

The bicycle route I took. The app I used to create it reports that I burnt 7000 calories. I am skeptical.

I finally hit the road at like 5pm. I didn’t start with a plan other than ‘go north’. I made it to my office and decided to check out the Foster City paved trail that I used to roller-blade back in 2002. I got lost in Redwood City. I suddenly ended up at Coyote Point and it was almost dark so I headed home. As it turns out, it was my longest single ride by a significant margin. I went 52 miles in just under 4 hours. I think with a little training, a century should be no problem.

One thing a sudden strenuous workout does is make you very hungry. Lesson learned: When you’re hungry after a very long bike ride, make sure you’re hydrated before you wolf down sliders and a milk shake at Jack in the Box. Grease + sugar + dehydration = tummy ache

Someone else (not me) having fun on a Norcal UFO Autocross fun-run

Anyway, in spite of the gastrointestinal discomfort I manged to catch a few hours of sleep before Derrick and Crystal showed up to head down for the Norcal UFO Autocross in Marina. It was the most fun I’ve had at an autocross in years. We arrived a bit late, so we were rushed (I didn’t have time to apply sunscreen), but the event ended early enough that we each drove five fun runs. Combined with the four timed runs, that’s a total of nine. Nine runs on a very open course makes for some pretty cool drifting by the end.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be hitting up their Drift-O-Cross next month. Anyone want to join me?

Colonel Kite Ball

2009-07-06T08:29:45Z

This weekend I did nothing. Well, actually I did do something. I went to the beach with some friends to do nothing amid warm skies, soothing sounds, and hand dug holes. Nothing and hole digging can only keep you entertained for so long, though. Necessity and boredom being the parents of invention, we managed to invent a new sport: Colonel Kite Ball.

Getting Started

I realize you just want to jump right in, but sadly you can’t buy a Colonel Kite Ball set at your local sporting goods store (yet). You’ll need to fabricate your own. You need the following things:

Two halves of a bocce ball separated by a boulder when a bocce game went terribly wrong. If a bocce ball that has suffered such a tragedy cannot be found, any dangerously heavy object will make a suitable substitute such as a piece of a cinder block or some mangled scrap metal you found in the parking lot.
A cheap kite: preferably one that you’ve repaired using stuff you found littered across the beach in yesterday’s fire pits
A 12 pieces of chicken in a bucket
11 herbs and spices

While the set up may seem obvious to me, it probably isn’t to you, so here’s the step by step:

An example Colonel Kite Ball basket in flight

Combine the 11 herbs and spices with the 12 piece bucket of chicken at your local KFC. If they refuse to do this, just buy a 12 piece family meal.
Go to the beach and eat the chicken. Empty the bucket.
Fly the kite for awhile to get a feel for the wind. Wheeeee. If you manage to break the kite string, skip the next step.
Tear or cut off a few feet of kite string. Using the two halves of the bocce ball as a grinding tool works great for cutting kite string.
Punch two holes in either side of the chicken bucket near the top.
Run the string through both holes in the top of the bucket and tie it to itself using a bowline knot. It is imperative that you use this exact knot. Any other knot, such as a sheet bend or a timber hitch, will screw everything up.
Tie the other end of the string to the kite. I attached it to the same place that the main kite string connected to the kite.
Add some sand to the bucket to weigh it down for stability if the wind is too strong.
Send the kite aloft!

Playing the Game

There are two roles in this game:

The guy flying the kite
The idiots throwing stuff at it

If you’re one of the idiots throwing stuff at the kite, you’re in for some fun. First, stand across from one of the other idiots. Next, simply take your half bocce ball or brick or whatever and try to throw it into the bucket. While throwing be sure to dodge the heavy objects thrown from other people attempting to make baskets.

When a basket is made the bucket and kite will plummet to the ground signifying that a point has been made.

Winning the Game

Play continues as described until everyone gets tired of the game and wants to go somewhere else to get loaded or play video games or whatever. When the game ends, the person with the most points wins the game.

If anyone was injured, they lose. This is especially true if they were injured badly enough to break up the game with a trip to the hospital. Also, the person flying the kite automatically loses.

Etc

I think we may have invented a great game, or at least a way to get hurt pretty badly at the beach without the use of illegal fireworks. We just need a great name for it to catch on. I’m not sure Colonel Kite Ball will do the trick. Here are some other options. Let me know which one you think is best (or recommend something else)

Kentucky Sky Bowling
What the hell are those idiots doing? Ball
11 Herbs and Spices of Death Ball

The Saga Continues

2009-06-25T02:46:04Z

I'm going to be home in about 12 hours. Actually in 12 hours I'll only be on the ground in San Francisco. It'll be an additional couple of hours before I make it back to Palo Alto. Anyway, time to continue the saga from where left off. This time I'll use a time line format.

11:45 pm IST

I just got off the phone with my company in the United States. I'm glad I was able to get a hold of everyone on a Sunday morning. Thanks guys.

The management at my company agreed that the situation was unacceptable and told me to take whatever action was necessary. I decided that since it was almost midnight in India, I could wait until morning.

I took a quick shower. This was when I realized that the hot water heater did not work. This was not as tragic as it would be elsewhere, though, since an ice cold shower felt great in the hot and humid bathroom. This was also when I saw the roaches. I think the shower water had scared some of them out of the drains.

12:30 am to 4:30 am IST

Packing did not take very long at all. It was so dirty that I was still living out of my bag. It was finally time to attempt sleep. Since my door did not lock properly I piled up some furniture by the door to wake me up in the event of a break in. I retreated into the bedroom and bolted the bedroom door. With the help of Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy I managed to fall asleep around 4:00am. The stimulating effect of my asthma medication had given me plenty of time to read.

6:15 IST

This is sort of what my pigeons looked like except they were nesting in a window that did not quite shut

Photo credit: Swami Stream

I awoke to the sound of my pets. The pigeons that were nesting in the bedroom window were making a racket. Sadly I did not think to get a picture of them.

I paced around for a few hours since I was still unable to sleep but felt too crappy to do anything productive.

9:40 IST

My coworker who lives nearby showed up to walk me to his place for the morning meeting with the team in San Carlos. This was when I told him I was leaving the apartment. He was shocked. He then helped me haul my gear to his place. Few things feel more dangerous than hauling 70lbs of luggage around streets of Mumbai. Even this two-block journey was very perilous. I am no longer surprised that so many people die in traffic accidents each year in Mumbai (I couldn't find any real data to back this claim up, but Mumbai appears to have more pedestrian deaths than LA, and LA surely has more total vehicle miles driven).

10:10 am IST

The call morning meeting started 10 min late. The whole team was supposed to be together for the call but no one else showed up to the apartment I was at.

I kept getting dropped from the call so I can only glean what was said based on activity afterward. My boss requested that they help me find a hotel. They started pretty much right away. They began to panic.

10:30 am IST

The call was over but I decided I had had enough. This trip was not worth risk to my health. I rescheduled my flight which took off about 5 hours from then. The hotel search was called off.

10:45 am IST

In the time that I was changing my flight, Ambi had stepped out and secured me a cellular Internet device. This surprised me since they misled me previously to believe that it was impossible to get one in less than 4 to 5 days. Another lie joined the pile.

12:45 pm IST

The rest of the team arrived. By now it was time for me to head to the airport. They gave me a lift. I witnessed two people get seriously injured in a motorcycle / bicycle collision. I took some videos of the crazy driving.

This was my first time around town during daylight. I witnessed the extent of the poverty for the first time. It was my turn to be shocked. Amid the sea of people running around on their daily business I saw at least a twenty emaciated figures. These people were starving. I have been to the slums of St. Louis, Tokyo, and Baja California. None of them prepared me for what I saw on the car ride to the airport.

During this ride it was also revealed that the guys did not at all understand why I was leaving. They kept apologizing for the lack of comfort. I guess to them a near death experience combined with dangerously rapidly degenerating health is tantamount to discomfort, or maybe they were making fun of me. I'm not sure... they mostly stuck to speaking Hindi.

1:30 pm IST

I made it to the airport at the correct time but the soldiers would not let me into the terminal. They could not find my name on a dot matrix printed list and did not speak English. The soldier asked me to wait in a room created for that purpose area about 500m away.

2:30 pm IST

I returned an hour later hoping for better luck. I still had time to make my flight. I failed to convince them to let me in. They were getting frustrated. They had machine guns. They pointed one at me. I gave up.

I found a pay phone and changed my flight again. This time the layover was much shorter. The customer service rep had a thick accent and we had some difficulty communicating. I misinterpreted the flight change to be 4:30 pm the next day.

3:00 pm IST

A cool cab similar to the one that robbed me.

Photo credit: alexbfree

I asked around for the proper place to find a branded taxi. Each time I asked I was pointed in a different direction. None of them were correct. I gave up and tried my luck with one of the cab drivers in departures. I picked a cool cab with a driver that did not jump out of his cab to harass me. I asked him to drive by the meter and told him I was not interested in any other stops on the way to my destination. He agreed. It seemed so promising. I only needed to make it a couple of miles to the airport hotels.

Right away on the journey made what I thought was small talk, but he was sizing me up. He asked about my job, where I was just before the airport, and so on.

He drove the wrong way on to the highway. I knew called him on it since I knew the freeway was not on the way to the hotel. He parked in the middle of the freeway and demanded all of my American cash or he'd dump me there. I had $60 USD in my wallet, which I turned over to him under the condition that he'd take me to the hotel.

He called me 'friend' every 30 seconds. I suppressed my anger because I wanted to avoid a dangerous situation. He continued to make small talk. He finally took me to the hotel.

3:45 pm IST

The stock photo of the kind of room I had at the Mumbai Hyatt. Talk about an upgrade...

I made it to the Hyatt. This was my chance to nail the cab driver. I was surrounded by hotel security and had my opportunity to take a photo of his cab to send to the authorities. I did not act because I did not want to cause a scene. Comfort seemed only feet away.

I checked in. I almost aborted due to my brain failing to do math properly. I incorrectly converted the currency and thought their cheapest room was $1400 a night. I was off by a factor of 10. I must have been starting to show a sign of panic. The desk clerk quickly realized my error and told me the correct price of $140 USD.

I under-tipped the bellboy due to yet another failed conversion. I tipped him the equivalence of $0.40. I felt bad. As I peered out of my room window in one of the hotels that was so recently bombed by terrorists who hate Americans and the fresh memories of starving people flashed back into my mind, I felt more like an Ugly American than I ever have. I was no longer mad at the cab driver.

4:30 pm IST

I chatted with some insomniacs in the United States. I took a bath. I decided to attempt a nap now in order to fix my jetlag. I actually slept for the first time since I left the United States a few days earlier.

12:30 am IST

I awoke to the alarm clock. Strange dreams quickly faded from my memory. In my sleep my brain had apparently figured out that my flight was actually at 4:30 am. I have no idea where this information came from, but upon checking the website it was correct. I'm very glad that I took that nap.

My asthma symptoms were significantly improved. The side effects of the asthma medicine were also starting to wear off. I still could not eat, though.

1:00 am IST

I checked out of the hotel and took their limo service to the airport. Even a limo is cheaper than getting robbed again.

1:30 am IST

I made it to the airport precisely at the time recommended by my airline. This time the military let me in without even checking their list. Somehow even though I had so much trouble entering the terminal, the swarm of people who wanted to carry my bags (after noticing me exit the limo) had no trouble passing the blockade. They continued to harass me for almost half of an hour. The armed guards stationed at the terminal entrance are apparently completely useless.

2:00 am IST

I went through immigration (which should be called emigration) and security. I had many documents stamped over and over. It's amazing how much stuff they can fit on to a boarding pass. I also observed the most sensitive metal detector ever. Every single person who went through, including myself, set it off. I'm not sure if the 2 grams of metal in my glasses or the RFID chip in my passport set it off. Since everyone set off the metal detector, everyone got secondary screening. This took about 10 seconds and was, luckily, a complete farce. If I had metal all over me, I would have been cleared anyway.

I went to reclaim my bag but it was stuck in the exit of the x-ray machine. The security screeners ignored me until I reached for it. They were not happy about that so I backed off and waited. Finally someone else's carry on dislodged my bag and I was able to reclaim it.

2:45 am IST

I had about 90 minutes to burn before boarding and all of the seats in the waiting area were taken. I found a lounge and was immediately kicked out for a reason that they would not tell me.

I found a restaurant that did not kick me out. I relaxed, had a couple drinks, and some peanuts. My apatite was starting to return. Before those peanuts I had only had two very small meals since I landed in India.

3:45 am IST

I boarded my middle seat flight. The guys on each side of me fit in their seats. Yay!

9:00 am UAE

I bought a box of these.

Photo credit: yum9me

I landed in Dubai. The airport is interesting. Rather than having a duty free store, the entire airport is one huge duty free store. The tobacco store alone must have been 3000 square feet. Also, the selection of goods spans the entire planet. You can buy stuff from just about everywhere in the world and they accept so many currencies that each register has several huge cash drawers. I bought some European candy.

Wandering about the airport was refreshing. In India everything is amazingly inefficient at the airport. Dubai, on the other hand, is efficient in innovative ways that I've never seen before. For example, in the x-ray machine at security has a built in return mechanism for the trays. This sure beats the manual carting around that they do in the US. Also, each gate has a staging area. This allows the crew to break the usual boarding process up into two steps. This makes the actual boarding process much faster.

Many times in Many time zones

And now I'm all caught up. This may be the longest blog entry I've ever written.

I'm flying over Moscow right now and I'm headed for the arctic. I also flew over Tehran about an hour ago. All that strife was only 33,000 feet away. It's kind of weird seeing all these places that always seemed so far away. I can't wait to get home.

India So Far -> QQ

2009-06-21T05:38:08Z

It's 10:23 am on Sunday 21 June 21, 2009. This blog entry has been backdated since I lack an Internet connection right now and am posting after the fact.

I've been in India 19 hours now. Ambi has been a great host taking me around to buy food and do some shopping, but even with his help I'm growing more and more pessimistic about the success of this trip.

Now I will complain. I've waited to complain because I wanted to go with the flow and not be an ugly American, but even this does-not-want-to-be-an-Ugly-American has her limits. I'm not one to demand 5 star hotel, first class seating and daily massages, but right now I'm getting nostalgic about my 20something hour economy flight. The bathrooms were so clean and the airplane seat so comfortable...

The kitchen

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that I'm not being too evil in my complaints because I've found cheaper accommodations that were clean and comfortable in downtown Tokyo, so this place obviously fucking sucks (and isn't even a good deal).

I'm pretty sure my rental apartment violates some OSHA rule. It's time for a bulleted list of issues. Here I present them in order of increasing annoyance.

The window drapes conflict with the air conditioner so one must chose between slightly cooler air and privacy. Being immodest, I've opted for cooler air.
Lots and lots of rice. One man's trashcan is another man's giant tupperware.
Like Milton's basement desk in Office Space, I share the apartment with storage. I've found at least 300lbs of rice, lots of empty luggage, and some cardboard boxes currently occupied by a family of pigeons.
There was no toilet paper anywhere in the apartment. There was not even a suitable substitute (facial tissue, paper towels, or newspaper). I had to hold it in until I could buy some the morning after I arrived.
A minor leak from above. Oh God, I hope that's water dripping down.
There is a leak of some kind above the ceiling in a few places causing the ceiling to crumble and the paint on the walls to peel. I have no idea what is in the resulting dust, but it's everywhere.
Missing windows and the dirty floor that saved my life
Several of the windows are rusted open. One of them is missing panes. This obviously reduces the efficiency of the air conditioner window units significantly.
There is only one chair. It's one of the dirtiest things in the apartment (making my clothes dark with dirt merely from sitting in it) and it's mysteriously missing the armrest padding.
I just noticed that there seems to be an ant infestation. I've only found scouts, but I found 6 of them in 30 minutes. I'll bet anyone 100 bucks that there will be an ant line tomorrow when I wake up.
I saw some tiny almost transparent roaches. Maybe they're babies? I'll sleep with ear plugs in tonight (we've all heard that urban legend)
This couch has an amazing property. You can put on a clean shirt, sit on it once, and then stink of a chain smoker.
It has a strong odor that's something between an ashtray and a Hong Kong alley. It momentarily intensifies when you move the curtains or sit on any of the furniture indicating that this place has been smelly for a very long time.
The door bolts are all broken so it cannot be locked in such a way to deny entry to someone else with a key, or a lock pick, or a bump key.
It's filthy. Here's a sub-bullet list for you to enjoy:
- There's a thick layer of dust everywhere. It's not normal dust, though; it makes me cough a lot. I can't tell if it's residue of chain smoking or diesel fumes from outside. Maybe it's both.
- There's sticky hair in most of the corners.
- The trashcan was not emptied before the previous resident departed. It's full of so-rotten-it-does-not-smell-any-more food.
- The mattress is uncomfortable, generally soiled, and bears a large blood stain. I will burn the sheets I brought upon return. Actually, maybe I'll just leave them here.
The most creative and dangerous wiring job I've ever seen... ever. And I once led the wiring of a tree house at the age of 12.
Finally, the top reason I'm whining: There's exposed live 220v wiring in almost every room. The bathroom takes the cake, though. In this room, which is constantly wet from the dripping ceiling, exposed electrical wiring is tied to a metal towel rack. To boot, this towel rack of death is positioned precisely where I instinctively feel around for a light switch in the dark: right next to the door. The worst part about this whole issue is that amid the huge fire hazard there are no sprinklers, fire escapes, or even a fire extinguisher.

Next on my list of complaints: The air quality is awful. I'm not sure if this is ambient Mumbai pollution, or something special about my apartment, but it is bad enough that I'm continuously taking the maximum dosage of my asthma rescue inhaler to stay alive. Not only is this a shock to my system since I very rarely need it at all in the United States, but it's not meant to be taken at maximum dosage for many consecutive hours let alone two weeks. Furthermore, it is a fairly powerful stimulant. I feel like I just drank 4 Red Bulls all the time. I've slept about 5 hours in the last 48. Nausea is a symptom. This is a problem because I have precisely the required amount of malaria pills, a new kind not readily available here, so I cannot afford to vomit one up.

I always try to look on the bright side. There are some positive parts, and since bulleted lists have worked so well in this article so far, here's another one.

I'm going to stick the jerk slum lord with an amazing electric bill from my attempts to cool the apartment to a balmy 27 degrees C
Every hotel and hostel I ever stay in will seem awesome by comparison. I will never take a clean room free of significant safety hazards for granted again. I <3 you Super 8.
There are no bed bugs here. I'm not sure if they're a problem in India anyway, but I can't find any signs. I will probably not need to abandon my luggage and burn my clothes upon my return home. I'm still keeping an eye out, though.
Free bicycle rental with one month rental of apartment
There's a really cool bicycle in the bedroom that I can use to ride around town
I have a souvenir. I scored some pretty sweet shower sandals for Rs. 140 (about $3). I'll remember the bathroom that encouraged me to buy them each
I haven't been here long, but I've already learned a lot about Indian and Mumbai culture.

Update from a few hours later: That does it. I just got shocked pretty badly in the bathroom. 220v packs a lot more punch than American 110v. I'm moving out tomorrow morning.

Ironically, it was the incredible dirt that probably saved my life. The horrible nasty dirt drove me to buy shower sandals which I was wearing when I was shocked. Since there was a leak from above and the floor was damp, I'd probably have been killed if not for those plastic shoes. Go dirt!

I'm a Pescetarian

2009-04-09T22:11:20Z

I've been threatening to do it for awhile now. It finally happened about a month ago. I've become a pescetarian. This means I've stopped eating animals of the air and land.

I'm not a very good one yet. I still eat stuff that's tainted with meat (e.g. baked beans) and about once a week I even eat a meal that contains meat because the vegetarian or fish options available suck. That's ok, though, because it's still compatible with my reasons for changing my diet.

I know it's amazing that I've given up all of the following: hamburgers, Thanksgiving turkey, a nice juicy steak, and even bacon. I've made the change for health reasons. I was inspired by Thu, who has already lost 25lbs partially due to diet changes, and my own lack of weight loss from shall diet changes combined with moderate exercise. Pescatarianism seems like a good compromise too. I really like fish and some studies show evidence of health benefits.

There's a lot going against me, though. Winnie hates fish and loves meat. I also love bacon. vegetarian and pescetarian friends have told me that the meat cravings go away, but I always figured this was confirmation bias (since I never discussed this with my friends who tried vegetarianism and gave up on it).

I decided to give it a shot. It's been about a month now and I'm already observing some positive health benefits and I'm enjoying food just as much. I've already lost 5 pounds, which is not an amazing feat, but I've done it while eating ice cream and exercising less. The rate of weight loss is still accelerating too. I bet I'll lost at least another 5 pounds before I reach my new steady state.

Unlike other diet changes, where I gave something up and replaced it with nothing, I seem to be filling my diet with food I enjoy almost as much as meat. I'm eating more deserts and drinking more beer. It seems that meat was, by far, the highest calorie density part of my diet. Best of all, I'm eating sushi like every week now.

Lets see how long I can keep this up before the bacon monster reclaims me.

**Update:** That didn't last very long, did it? I ended up cooking two different diners most nights: one for me and one for meat-loving Winnie. I also really missed bacon. I gave up!

How the Scientific Method Really Works

2009-01-31T20:14:39Z

In school we all learn the scientific method as 5 easy steps:

Ask a question

Formulate a testable hypothesis to answer said question

Conduct an experiment and collect data pertaining to the hypothesis

If the results are inconclusive or not tested hypothesis turns out not to be true, repeat steps 2 and 3 otherwise proceed

Publish a paper on your results and become rich and famous

Just like the story high school teachers give about electron orbitals, this is not really completely true, especially for the really amazing discoveries that change the world. They go more like this:

Someone with money asks you a question

Formulate hypothesis or use hypothesis proposed by person who provides money from step 1

Design and conduct experiment using provided money

The results did not turn out as you expected. They're not just negative, they don't make any sense at all. Curse and stomp around since you assume your experimental apparatus is not working

Find possible flaws in your apparatus and fix them

Try again. The results still are not as you expected so curse and stomp around more.

Clean bird poop out of your apparatus (or other last 'this couldn't be the problem but just in case' efforts).

Try again. The results still do not make sense. Be confused and excited.

Have someone else do the experiment too. Preferably as far away and independent as possible.

Observe that they reproduce your results that make absolutely no sense.

Publish your results.

Wait 10 years. Observe the world change.

Win a Nobel Prize

Risk: World of Warcraft Edition

2008-04-20T21:59:03Z

Everyone is always talking about those web 2.0 application mashups. So boring! What ever happened to nerds getting drunk over a 10 hour all night risk game?

If you're like me, you may have purchased the World of Warcraft board game in hopes that this would do the trick. As it turns out, this board game is just as complicated as the video game. I can't play this drunk! It has as many rules as a TSD road rally. This is where the mashup comes in.

Ingredients

One game of Risk
One World of Warcraft board game

Setup

Open your Risk game
Remove the army tokens, the rule book, and the risk cards
Open your WoW board game
Throw away the little plastic monster pieces
Find the quest cards that correspond to the regions of the WoW game board
Sort through the quest cards and remove any cards with duplicate territories. Many of them have two territories on them. In this case use the right side.
All of the quest cards you have left do not cover every territory. You'll be about a dozen short. Use cards of approximately the same size and write the color / names of the territories. You should now have a deck of cards that correspond to every territory on the board.

Game play rules

Try not to get into a fight with your friends that remove your armies form the board while you take a pee break.

Beer Bread

2008-02-29T18:43:05Z

I've been making simple beer bread for years. It's evolved a bit over time and based on the most recent comments I've received, it's finally blog-worthy. Here are the two recipes. One a bit less unhealthy than the other.

Simple White Beer Bread

3 cups self-rising flour (or make your own)

3 cups all purpose flour
4.5 teaspoons baking powder
1.5 teaspoons table salt

1/2 cup sugar
12oz of your favorite beer
1 to 2 tablespoons of butter

Simple Wheat Beer Bread

2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup wheat flour
4.5 teaspoons baking powder
1.5 teaspoons table salt
1/2 cup sugar
12oz of your favorite beer
1 to 2 tablespoons of butter

The instructions for both

Preheat oven to 375
Mix the flour, salt, baking powder, and sweetener in a large bowl
Add the beer and mix until you have a lumpy dough. Don't be afraid to use your (clean) hands as this is very difficult with a spoon.
Add the dough to a bread pan and bake for 45 minutes.
Melt the butter in a microwave oven and brush or pour over the top of the loaf
Bake for an additional 15 minutes
Enjoy alone or with cheese (also makes a great bacon sandwich)

How "Nerd 2.0"s Propose

2007-02-28T18:53:33Z

One of my friends and her now fiancé are the epitome of Nerd 2.0. Her boyfriend, now fiancé, Jason just proposed to her and she accepted.

Before I explain the story, though, let me explain Nerd 2.0 which can best be illustrated through a couple lists: what Nerd 2.0 is not, and then what it is.

Nerd 2.0 is not:

Pocket protectors
Poor social skills
Fear of the opposite sex
Getting straight A's yet never finding a job
Living in a bubble, totally unaware of the world around them
Lack of personal hygiene
Glasses held together by band-aids and masking tape
Total obsession with hobbies (anime, video games, etc.)
Stays at home every night

Nerd 2.0 is:

Excellent social skills
Plays WoW but still knows how to party
No fear of booze
Socially aware and active
Great event planner
Stylish glasses
Can communicate with both normal nerds and normal humans

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. So what makes someone (or some couple) very Nerd 2.0? How about proposing casually while surfing the net, and even sending an outlook reminder to the other to save the date! Who needs a ridiculously elaborate 6-months-in-the-making plan, and a carriage pulled by stinky horses on a day that ended up with a once-in-a-century hail storm when you can do it comfortably while sipping coffee. For the real story check out Min Jung Kim's blog entry entitled News.

A great patent

2006-05-16T22:57:33Z

On the topic of US patents: here is a juicy one. A patent for a crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Do we need reform of patent laws? oooh yes we do.